Saturday, 11 February 2012

All apologies

I'm sorry if anyone's offended by the following post.


No, wait. No, I'm not. I apologize too much. Or, at least I have in the past. I'm working on rectifying that so that my apologies are sincere and meaningful, instead of constant and borne of insecurity and social conditioning.

One barrier many women face is in being able to stand up and set boundaries for themselves without having their opinions and experiences disregarded out of hand, and being put in the position of being expected to apologize for standing up for themselves. I like the blog Captain Awkward for addressing so many instances of people (usually women, but not always) who are in shitty circumstances and entirely within their rights to extricate themselves, and yet feel beholden to the people who are being awful to them because our society sucks at letting nice people set and maintain boundaries. There are some clear examples here, here, hereherehere, here! and holy shit definitely here!!!


And I can't forget this incredibly articulate post from Fugitivus about rape and boundaries.

So, along the lines of asserting my own boundaries, I'm not going to apologize for having a life and not being able to update this blog or my twitter account or my Tumblr every single day and multiple times a day without fail.

I'm not going to apologize for posts that ramble a bit because I feel the need to give background and context to the issue to show my thought-path in getting to the main point.

I'm not going to apologize for not finding rape jokes funny and for calling out people who use them.

I'm not going to apologize for disagreeing with people who slut-shame or make misogynistic comments or believe that some people are inferior because of their gender, sex, sexual orientation, income level, religious beliefs, level of ability, or any other factor other than the content of their character.

I'm not going to apologize for moderating the comments on my own blog in whatever way I deem appropriate. This is, after all, my space and I intend it to be a safe space and not yet another venue for people blind to their privileges to be triggering and generally awful. Disagreement? Sure. Disrespect? Your posts will never see the light of day and I'm not sorry for that.

Now that we've got those out of the way, I'll apologize if I've hurt someone's feelings, but not if it's because I've called them out on exercising their privilege to be oppressive, ignorant, disrespectful or hurtful.

I'll apologize if I find out I've been using oppressive language or perpetuating harmful stereotypes.

I'll apologize if I've been inordinately rude and am in effect creating more toxicity (posting GIFs at trolls who make rape jokes definitely does not count).

I'll apologize if I stumble, if I step on someone's toes (literally and figuratively), if I spill my coffee, if I've been neglectful of my personal responsibilities to family and friends, and generally if my actions or inaction have been detrimental and could have been avoided by some other action on my part that does not require omniscience or the ability to bend space and time.

Oh, and I also might apologize sarcastically. I'm sooooo sorry if my sarcasm with trolls hurts your little fee fees. /sarcasm.


So, generally, not terribly sorry.

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