A canned response, and evidence that at least we're not all bad

Yesterday morning I published "An open letter to The Toronto Star and Rosie Dimanno re: "Sexual assault case involving four female suspects a bizarre anomaly” and sent that content in an email to The Toronto Star and several other news outlets. Last night, at about 5 o'clock, I got a canned response from the editor:

Dear [to start off, she spelled my name wrong. This is a form letter! The only thing she had to put in was my name and she spelled it wrong! ]  

I am writing in response to your concern about Rosie DiManno’s April 9 column on the alleged sexual assault on a young man by four women. 

DiManno is an opinion columnist for the Toronto Star. Her column falls within her role as a popular columnist who expresses strong, often controversial, opinions that sometimes offend. Columnists at the Star are given wide latitude to express their opinions. But columnists always speak for themselves, not for the Toronto Star. Only editorials, which are published on the editorial page, express the views of the Star as an organization. 

The Star believes in the widest possible expression of free speech, in line with Canada’s Charter of Rights and Freedoms. The Star’s policy manual states that:  “Columnists and Op-Ed writers have wide latitude to express their own views in the Star, including views directly contrary to the Star’s editorial views, as long as they fall within the boundaries of good taste and the laws of libel.”As public editor of the Star, it is outside the scope of my role to weigh in on whether the views of any opinion columnist are “fair” “appropriate”  or “in good taste”  While I as an individual, and the Star as institution, do not agree with every opinion expressed by columnists, in the Star and sometimes vehemently disagree with some columnist’s views on some subjects, I will always defend any opinion columnist’s freedom to express views some readers might find offensive or even repugnant. 

Taste is always a subjective matter and a judgment call for newsroom editors seeking to balance questions of sensitivity of subject matter with the imperative for free expression for opinion writers and the desire not to demand conformity from columnists.  Certainly the best columnists often do enrage and offend. In doing so they can provoke public discussion of important  issues – as this column certainly has.  On that regard, I expect the Star will publish a selection of the opinions of readers who disagree with DiManno’s opinion and the manner in which she expressed her views. 

I have now had opportunity to discuss your concerns with senior newsroom editors. They tell me they gave careful consideration to this column prior to its publication and believe that the column is fairly done and falls within the bounds of fair comment and the Star’s policy’s for columnists.  

While I personally appreciate and understand your points about sexual assault and gender, I agree the column is in line with the Star’s policies and is indeed fair comment.  

Best Regards, 

Kathy English

Kathy English/Public Editor

Toronto Star/www.thestar.com

416-869-4950 

Turns out, this is the exact same response copied & pasted to several other people who had written their own letters to the editors. Here's why it's bullshit - for starters, the form letter states that sometimes their opinion columns are controversial and offensive. Sure, I get that. The issue is not that I'm "offended". The issue is that the column is outright mocking a survivor of sexual violence, which has the very real impact of discouraging people from reporting crimes of sexual violence. This article could very well discourage this particular survivor from going forward with helping the police with this investigation. This article could very well keep other young men attacked by these women from coming forward. After reading this, who would want to admit that they, too, had been attacked in this same manner?

Another reason why it's bullshit - freedom of speech? What is this, an argument on Youtube? "I will always defend any opinion columnist’s freedom to express views some readers might find offensive or even repugnant" Here's the thing - freedom of speech does not guarantee one a platform or a paycheque. As much as the editor and The Toronto Star would like to distance themselves from the content that they publish, they are literally supporting every single word they publish by virtue of paying the authors whose words are "offensive". Refusing to print an article that degrades survivors of sexual violence doesn't go against freedom of speech, because Rosie is free to self-publish and to stand out on a soapbox on Yonge & Dundas and spout her opinions there. 

And the argument that this conversation will be balanced out because "I expect the Star will publish a selection of the opinions of readers who disagree with DiManno’s opinion and the manner in which she expressed her views", is disingenuous at best. Readers' letters to the editor are hidden away in the backpages and nether reaches of the website. Rosie Dimanno has prime real estate. No response from regular readers will have the same reach as her original column, because The Toronto Star doesn't afford them that kind of visibility. 

Speaking of disingenuous, "I have now had opportunity to discuss your concerns with senior newsroom editors. They tell me they gave careful consideration to this column prior to its publication and believe that the column is fairly done and falls within the bounds of fair comment and the Star’s policy’s for columnists". You sent me back a form letter. I am disinclined to believe you.

The entire letter just comes across as really unaware. This is a letter from one of the countries largest newspapers. This paper has influence. Words matter. This isn't just some small online publication with 9 followers *cough*Although those can be pretty amazing, too*cough*. The Toronto Star boasts to companies that look at advertise with them that "Approx 40% of Canadians live in Ontario and The Toronto Star is the #1 online Newspaper in Ontario". It is reasonable to expect, then, that The Toronto Star has a lot of power in informing and influencing the public, including when they post articles wrought with rape myths and minimizing the impact sexual violence has on its victims. 

As a wise man once said, "With great power, comes great responsibility." Either The Toronto Star needs to recognize that power and responsibility, or admit to readers and advertisers that they're greatly exaggerating their influence. You can't have it both ways.

On the plus side, I can see I'm not the only one taking them to task. Here, as food for your soul, check out some other people who have picked up the fight against this dreadful example of victim degradation in the media:

http://freethoughtblogs.com/crommunist/2013/04/09/rose-dimanno-rape-culture-ambassador/

https://toysoldier.wordpress.com/2013/04/09/one-mans-sexual-assault-is-another-mans-sexual-fantasy-come-true/#comment-30040

http://ordinary-gentlemen.com/blog/2013/04/of-course-one-mans-sexual-assault-is-another-mans-sexual-fantasy-come-true/

http://storify.com/Crommunist/reaction-to-rose-dimanno-s-rape-apologist-column

http://www.reddit.com/r/toronto/comments/1c33m9/my_open_response_to_rosie_dimannos_article_on/

http://moreladysnarksalot.com/2013/04/11/response-from-kathy-english-public-editor-for-the-toronto-star-regarding-rosie-dimannos-april-9th-column/comment-page-1/#comment-82

http://taking40cakes.tumblr.com/post/47636216909/toronto-star-remove-the-sexist-and-cruel-article-that

http://www.cbc.ca/news/yourcommunity/2013/04/survivor-speaks-out-after-toronto-man-sexually-assault-mocked.html?cmp=rss

I believe there are very likely many more, these were just the results of a quick Google search this morning.

Now, my brain needs a break, so here's a big putty tat.

An open letter to The Toronto Star and Rosie Dimanno re: "Sexual assault case involving four female suspects a bizarre anomaly”

I am extremely disappointed and disgusted not only with the column written by Rosie Dimanno on Tues, April 9th entitled “Sexual assault case involving four female suspects a bizarre anomaly”, but also with the lack of response from The Toronto Star afterthefact. This bit of sensationalistic tripe served no purpose but to insult and degrade the victim and make light of the crimes committed against him. This is a perfect example of why so many sexual assaults go unreported, and why this particular victim chose not to be interviewed by The Toronto Star. Who could possibly trust your publication with the details of such a grievous violation when they will more than likely wind up nothing more than a punchline?

Survivors read your publication. Rapists read your publication. A community who has not yet decided how they should appropriately react to disclosures of sexual violence, read your publication. You have a responsibility to the community to do better, because at present you are helping foster and support an extremely hostile environment to survivors that will ensure many more don’t go to the authorities to report crimes of sexual violence committed against them.

Perhaps more troubling than even her delight in pondering the details of this most recent case, is this is not nearly the first time that Rosie Dimanno has stooped to such levels in degrading victims of sexual violence and minimizing their experiences. Just on January 18th of this year, she lead with the sentence “She lost a womb but gained a penis,” in her account of the trial against Dr. George Doodnaught. Because of her history of such degrading articles addressing sexual violence, Rosie Dimanno has proven that she is incapable of showing respect to survivors of sexual violence. The Toronto Star should not be paying her to degrade victims.

If The Toronto Star wants to continue to keep Rosie Dimanno on staff without losing any more readers, your audience needs not only an apology but some sign that she and your editors understand why her articles have caused such uproar and distress, and a commitment to do far better. If that is not possible, either she needs to find another calling or you will need to find new readers. Until such time as a formal apology from The Toronto Star and Rosie Dimanno are published, you will be losing this long-time reader and I will encourage as many people as my voice will reach to also boycott your publication.

Survivors deserve better, Toronto as a whole deserves better, and I am personally demanding better.

Sincerely,

Natalee Brouse

International Women's Day 2013

Today is International Women's Day. I'm busy as all get-out, so I just want to briefly pass on events going on in recognition:

The FB page for IWD Toronto can be found here.

And remind everyone why it's still important and relevant to continue to celebrate today and fight for women's rights.

Also, I've just become aware of an American organization that is fighting to end oppression, AIDecomcracy:

What We Do
We educate, empower and mobilize our generation to take informed action around our individual and collective roles as global citizens. 

We debate our roles and individuals, and as a country, in addressing the great challenges facing us today, including poverty, extremism and climate change. 

We focus on harnessing the power of your voice and your vote, but we also explore other pathways to change including service and social entrepreneurship. 

Our approach has three pillars:

• Education: We help students understand key global challenges, as well as the global system that frames them. Our members are always building and expanding on this conversation, through insightful blog posts and compelling journal articles.
• Empowerment: We build student leaders and organizers who understand not only the issues, but also their own power, how to organize others, and how to access decision-makers.
• Mobilization: We create and connect students to opportunities to take action, from the campus to the national level.

They'll soon be reposting my article on rape prevention through breaking down rape culture, "What can I do, right now today, to help stop sexual violence."

Enjoy today, all, and I hope it treats you all kindly.

Part of the solution: Providing info on services for men in Toronto

Yesterday morning I caught wind that U of T is going to be hosting an MRA speaker. A friend shared this lovely and daintily-written article on her wall (caution - it goes to A Voice for Men - if you don't want to give them page hits, then you might want to pass):

For the University of Toronto Student Union

The baiting part is probably my favourite. This way if counter-protestors show up and are impolite, well by golly, we were "warned" and they can be as violent and vitriolic as they'd like because, heck, why not. If no one shows up, well by golly! They scared us all off! Success!

Not that they could ever hope to harness or emulate the awesome of Freddie Mercury's nipples.

Anyways, as fun as that all is, I've decided that since no one else was up to organizing a counter-presence, I'd arrange one myself. I was at that previous "infamous" counter-protest and I noted that one of the elements missing was an offering of tangible alternatives to people who may get sucked in by such speakers, so I thought I'd set up this event with a different tone and intent. 

From the Facebook event page:

Once again the U of T campus will be playing host to a speaker that relies on sexism and racism as scapegoats for some of the legitimate grievances that men in our society currently face, to forward their bigoted agenda. 

This article gives a thorough background on the speaker coming to campus:

http://rabble.ca/blogs/bloggers/michael-laxer/2013/03/guess-whats-coming-u-t-mens-rights-movement-janice-fiamengo-pau 

Information on the event here, that won't give their page undue hits (it still has info on the old location that has since been updated): 

http://wx.toronto.ca/festevents.nsf/591df5f4e9bb95b0852572ff00502015/8b64bf07cf5bb4d885257b1a00785c5b?OpenDocument 

It can be useful and cathartic to simply protest hate speech on campus, but we recognize that events like this so often take advantage of vulnerable people who are sincerely looking for answers. Let's make this counter-presence a productive one and provide as much information as we can gather and distribute to attendees. 

If anyone has contacts with organizations that support men in Toronto, please post links here to help us distribute them more effectively. Let's work together to make sure the men who are facing hardships are heard and actually given something tangible and constructive to walk away with.

Being reactive can be very useful and appropriate, but I personally want to build up a collection of resources so when these issues continually come to fore (and they will), we'll have some alternatives already on hand. And, just as importantly, if there are gaps in services (as there very likely are), this will give us a good way of finding out what those gaps are. Heck, we might even be able to get the participants at these events on board to help close those gaps and create or expand services within Toronto to support them.

For any readers, please let me know about what services you know of that are available for men in Toronto. I mean any services, such as addiction counselling, housing assistance, suicide intervention, support for survivors of sexual violence, court support, etc. If you know of services that are missing and needed, please let me know that, too. Let's use this opportunity to be productive and address these issues in a real way.

Because rape culture is just so darned attractive

When you think of rape and/or rape culture, what kind of person immediately comes to mind? Is it a big, scary, burly-looking man hiding in an alley? Is it someone who should emanate waves of rapey-warning-vibes?

But he's such a Nice GuyTM

When I think of the embodiment of rape and rape culture, this is the image that comes to mind:

I'm not being sarcastic, and I'm not accusing Seth McFarlane of being a rapist. I am saying that this guy is a big proponent of rape culture. From his tv shows, to his movies, to his Oscar-hosting duties, he's all about making light of rape at every turn.

And he's not even close to being an outlier. Rapists and rape apologists are so often charming, handsome, and charismatic. They make people laugh and feel comfortable around them, and at the same time push their boundaries to make them feel uncomfortable and laugh off their discomfort. They aim to get people to laugh at themselves when they are offended and to see their offense as the butt of the joke. They get others to side with them in pressuring people to ignore their discomfort and laugh instead of challenging the parts that made them legitimately uncomfortable.

It's a good trick, and it's not a new one. These are the tools that rapists rely on in maintaining a rape culture. So long as we think that rapists and rape apologists are this ugly "other", then we can ignore the attractive, funny man with the great smile as he makes sexual innuendos about a 9 year old girl. So long as we help him deflect criticisms as people being "too sensitive", he can make jokes about getting to see actresses breasts in movies, including during rape scenes.

Don't tell me he was being edgy, because this is the same schtick we've seen from him throughout his career, and there is a well-worn path preceding him. He is just a younger face of rape culture and demonstrates quite clearly how unabashed it is in keeping itself to the forefront of our "entertainment".

This is one of the reasons why rape culture is so deeply ingrained and so difficult to talk about. Because the people who most eloquently support it are just so darned likeable. How can someone so charismatic steer us wrong or do us harm when his only goal is to "entertain" us? Maybe we should start asking, "If he's so invested in making us laugh, why are we the ones berated when we don't find him funny?"

February 14th events

There is plenty going on in Toronto and around Canada today that doesn't revolve around blind consumerism and disappointed lovers.

2013 Memorial March for Missing and Murdered Women

The poster is for the event in Montreal:

Justice for Missing and Murdered Indigenous Women (Missing Justice) invites you and yours to attend, spread the word about, and participate in this year’s Memorial March for Missing and Murdered Women on Thursday February 14th, 6pm at St. Laurent metro.
The first women’s memorial march was held in 1991 in response to the murder of a Coast Salish woman on Powell Street in Vancouver. Her name is not spoken today out of respect for the wishes of her family. Out of this sense of hopelessness and anger came an annual march on Valentine’s Day to express compassion, community, and caring for all women in Vancouver’s Downtown Eastside, Unceded Coast Salish Territories.
Twenty-two years later, the women’s memorial march continues to honour the lives of missing and murdered women.
This year, Montreal holds it’s 4th Annual Memorial March.
****There will be a bus this year from Kahnawake, and back, organized by Kahnawake Shakotiia’takehnhas Community Services. The bus will leave the KSCS Parking lot at 4:30 pm and return at approx 9 pm. Start (drop off) at St Laurent metro and pick up (to return home) at Parc des Ameriques- St Laurent and Rachel street.***
If you can’t be there in person, tune into CKUT 90.3FM or www.ckut.ca. CKUT will broadcast live from the event from 6-7pm. You can find the podcast here after.

There will also be a march in Toronto:

Toronto's 7th Annual Rally for Missing & Murdered Indigenous Women
Tuesday February 14th 2012
12:30pm to 1:30pm
Rally Starts: Police Headquarters 40 College Street at Bay, Toronto
Feast at the 519 Church Street Community Centre; 519 Church Street
following the Rally.
Please signs and banners about the missing and murdered women only.
Tokens will be available at the rally.

There's also the new event, One Billion Rising, spear-headed by Eve Ensler, creator of The Vagina Monologues:

ABOUT ONE BILLION RISING
ONE IN THREE WOMEN ON THE PLANET WILL BE RAPED OR BEATEN IN HER LIFETIME.*ONE BILLION WOMEN VIOLATED IS AN ATROCITYONE BILLION WOMEN DANCING IS A REVOLUTIONOn V-Day’s 15th Anniversary, 14 February 2013, we are inviting ONE BILLION women and those who love them to WALK OUT, DANCE, RISE UP, and DEMAND an end to this violence. ONE BILLION RISING will move the earth, activating women and men across every country. V-Day wants the world to see our collective strength, our numbers, our solidarity across borders.
What does ONE BILLION look like? On 14 February 2013, it will look like a REVOLUTION.
ONE BILLION RISING IS:A global strike
An invitation to dance
A call to men and women to refuse to participate in the status quo until rape and rape culture ends
An act of solidarity, demonstrating to women the commonality of their struggles and their power in numbers
A refusal to accept violence against women and girls as a given
A new time and a new way of being

And, this is also the auspicious one-year anniversary of the launch of the Feminist Armchair Regime.

Have a good day, everyone, however you decide to spend it.

Consent is not carte-blanche

***Content warning for discussions of sexual violence and physical violence***

When talking with people about consent, it becomes obvious that a lot of people still subscribe to the notion that there are a lot of grey areas and that because of such subtleties, a person can believe they've been raped when they haven't and someone can rape someone without realizing.

If you are unclear about consent and believe in these grey areas, allow me to help clarify things.

Consent is not a one-time, binding contract that gives a person unlimited access to their partner's body from the time of consent until the sun burns out of the sky. It's a constant, ongoing process in which all partners are responsible for ensuring their partners are ok with what's going on.

Here are some examples of other scenarios where we would not make the same assumptions about consent as we, culturally, do with sex.

If you go to a shop and ask to get your ears pierced, that doesn't mean you're consenting to being stabbed in the chest with an ice pick.

If you enjoy participating in extreme sports, like sky diving and bungee jumping, that doesn't mean you've consented to having your friend push you off a 10-story balcony at a party.

If you start drinking a glass of wine and decide you don't want to finish it, that doesn't mean someone can force you to drink it or waterboard you with it.

If you purchase a day-pass for Wonderland, that doesn't mean you can attend whenever you like from there on in. Even if you purchase a season's pass, you can't go in after-hours, you can't hop over the counter at a food truck and dunk your head in the candy flosser, and once you're in it doesn't mean the park staff can strap you into a rollercoaster and leave you on it for an hour.

It's really as simple as that. You agree to what you agree to until you don't agree to it any more, and your partner has the same right to do so.

Specifically, in regards to sexual contact, that can mean that you agree to kissing, but nothing else. That can mean you agree to sex, but no kissing. That can mean you agree to shaking hands on the first date, to kissing on the second date, and to marrying and earnestly attempting to procreate on the third date.

Let's say that your partner comes off as hot and cold and continually initiates and then stops sexual contact. If you are into it, and want to go as far as they're comfortable, awesome. If you're not into what they're initiating, you have the right to stop them. If there's no communication and you feel like they're starting and stopping just to be a jerk or play games, you have absolutely no obligation to put up with it and can pack up your toys and go home (so to speak).

If there's no communication going on and you feel like this is one of those "grey areas", then it's safer for all parties involved if it stops all together. If you or your partner feel like the one person's desire to continue is more important than ensuring the there's unambiguous consent, then this isn't actually a grey area, it's an excuse and that's why we're here now. Because I'm calling out these excuses for what they really are and I'm not gonna let rapists slide under the radar with this bullhockey.

Thanks for sticking in there with me. Here's some MST3K & lolcats.

New Year's Resolution Time!

Yes, I'm a bit late, but that's ok. I've done a lot this past year, and I'm looking forward to being even more productive in 2013.

Before I get into what I want to do, let's take time to reflect on what I have done:

• started my job as a permanent employee as of Jan.2nd, 2012
• signed up for the gym and met with a personal trainer 2 - 3x a week from Feb to Oct
• cooked a lot more for my partner and I (partly because we were living in a place we couldn't afford)
• read a heck of a lot more than I had for some time
• continued with this blog, to the point I'm closing in on 100 posts
• started volunteering with SlutWalk Toronto in a more official capacity
• got back into volunteering on the crisis line for the Toronto Rape Crisis Centre/ Multicultural Women Against Rape

Looking back, that's a pretty good start. I've got a lot to be proud of accomplishing so far, and a solid groundwork to start off from going into this next year.

With all that in mind, my 2013 resolutions are:

• Keep working out on my own without the aid of a personal trainer. This is a huge hurdle because I am so easily demotivated and distracted. But, I refuse to let all the progress from working out with the trainer be lost, so I've got to make this happen. I feel better when I'm more active, it keeps repetitive stress injuries at bay, and it has kick-started my body into craving more healthy foods. I've even started eating (and craving) salads again. That's right, salads! 
• Get my Server+ certification. I want to keep improving my IT skills and get more certs (I've got my A+, Network+ and Security+ at the moment), so 2013 is the year I've decided I'm getting that one. I've already got the study materials, I just need to get work to pay for my test and then pass it with my delicious, beautiful brain.
• Keep the blog as a tool to sort out my thoughts, entertain myself, and create stuff I want to share, not as another excuse to stress myself out. I'm not getting paid to blog, so I've made it a point to not feel guilty if I only post once a month or can't muster up the energy to respond to every single timely issue. I won't be posting any updates apologizing for absences or begging my readers to forgive me for having a life and not making blogging a priority.
• Participate in (and finish) 3DNC and NaNoWriMo
• Don't wait until the Labor Day to start writing
• Spend less time on the computer. 
• Go vegan for real-real, not for play-play
• Get married without falling further, hopelessly into debt.
• Keep volunteering, but be careful not to over-extend myself until I burn out.

Sounds reasonable. Let's see what happens. Wish me luck!

The Humourless Feminists Comedy Night

Since my last post was about the unfunnyocity of rape jokes, it feels appropriate to ring in the new year by plugging an upcoming comedy night called, "The Humourless Feminists Comedy Show".

SlutWalk Toronto is kicking off 2013 by hosting a feminist comedy show, with all proceeds going to support the Toronto Rape Crisis Centre/ Multicultural Women Against Rape.

 

Details from the event page:

Because humour can exist without rape jokes and some of Toronto's best comedic talent is going to prove it!

Starring (talent list not finalized):

• Natalie Norman
• Ben Beauchemin
• Derek Forgie
• Christina Walkinshaw
• Steph Tolev
• Bobby Knauf
• Amanada Brooke Perrin

Thanks to the hard work of local Comedian Natalie Norman, who took initiative to organize a comedy show to support anti-sexual violence action and survivors in Toronto, we’re inviting you to a comedy night packed with Toronto talent.

We know many people involved in feminism and fighting oppression are told that we take things ‘too seriously’, and often have our perspectives minimized with stereotypes, like that of the ‘Humourless Feminist’. We also know the value of creating alternative, safer spaces where communities can connect by challenging labels and gathering together.

This will be like any other comedy night, but with proceeds going to the Toronto Rape Crisis Centre/Multicultural Women Against Rape, and with no rape jokes, or other cheap-shot oppressive humour.

And sometimes, we really just need to laugh.

So come and join us!

$10 suggested donation (proceeds to TRCC/MWAR, so please dig deeper if you can!) or PWYC if that’s too steep for you.

The Garrison, 1197 Dundas St. West, Doors at 7, Show at 8

*Unfortunately, this venue is not fully accessible. We apologize and we hope to find a venue that is in the future if we host more shows.

Whaaaaa? A comedy event where patrons don't need to worry about being threatened with gang rape? How novel! I'll be there, and I hope all my millions of faithful readers will join me in having a fun, relaxing, awesome evening. By golly, I think we've earned it.

I don't support rapists by laughing with them.

Apparently it still needs to be said.

Rape jokes are not funny.

Some of you may agree wholeheartedly with that statement.

Some may be on the fence, leaving more room for context and execution, etc.

Some of you may think that all rape jokes ever are funny.

To be frank, this is  your right. You are entitled to think any thing at all out there ever is funny. No government entity is going to break into your living room/ bedroom/ mother's basement and disappear you because you find rape jokes to be funny. Nor am I advocating that we change the laws so this can and will happen.

Nope, I do not at all intend to infringe upon your rights to independent thought and to find humour anywhere you like.

When you make rape jokes, I will think of you as a potential rapist. Or, I will assume that you are just not a safe person to be around and will not trust you any further than I can throw you. Because, if you're making rape jokes, or falling off your seat laughing at a rape joke, then I can only assume that you will not help me if I am or someone I love is being or have been sexually attacked, and I cannot trust you to not support the rapist.

If you are making or laughing at rape jokes, you are identifying with the rapist. You are agreeing that, "Heck, not only is rape not a big deal, but it's funny and something I can derrive pleasure out of at least in the form of humour."

I might not even let you know that this is what I'm thinking at the time. You might go on, giggle-snorting to yourself, completely and blissfully unawares that my stone silence and dead-eyed, slack-jawed response means that you've dropped from my "people I trust and look up to"-list to my "people I will avoid because they are not safe"-list.

It is physically safer for me to assume you're a potential rapist if you're giving me signals that you're a rapist or are ok with rapists. Because if you are a rapist or a rape apologist and I'm attacked, misplacing my trust in you could have serious and tangible consequences for me.

If you think that it is more offensive that I would mistrust someone and view them as a potential rapist because they made a rape joke than for someone to have made the rape joke, then you are not worth my trust, either.

How a word can kill a man (SPOILER ALERT: It doesn't.)

Serioulsy, WTFail, Fiorito. I could easily rename this article, "How to scare monger about false rape reports in 6 easy steps."

1. Latch onto a story that involves a man.

2. Create empathy for him and make him a flushed-out, fully-realized character.

3. Introduce into the story the woman who reported the potential abuse, and make sure to make her a cariacature, make implications against her mental health, and lead to audience to dismiss her concerns outright, regardless of how valid they may have been.

4. Let the audience know upfront what was only discovered after the report was investigated to make the report seem unfounded.

5. Blame any consequences (in this case, him being deported) on the person who made the report, rather than on the protagonist of the story

6. Wrap things up nicely by telling people they'd better not report any suspicions of abuse, etc, because it could lead directly to death. Do not pass GO, do not collection $200, when you report abuse someone DIES.

There are lot of things wrong with our immigration system, so I'm not going to give Big Brother the thumbs-up for deporting this guy.

At the same time, there are also a lot of things wrong in a culture where an immigration story turns into a morality tale about not tattling on someone just in case. You know, I hope the woman who made the concerned call to police is planning on or presently studying to be a social worker. Because that is exactly what social workers are trained to do, and I'm pretty sure also obligated by law to do.

You want to make this a story about an immigration policy that doesn't make sense and needlessly boots people out of our country to their detriment and at a loss to our communities? I'm totally behind that. You want to make this a story about how scary it can be to find yourself accused of a crime you didn't commit? I'm with you on that, too.

But be honest about both the wording and the consequences. For starters, this isn't a false accusation - there was a child crying to such a degree someone seemed concerned enough to report it. It was an unsubstantiated report, because once investigated it was deemed no crime had taken place, or at least no evidence of a crime could be established.

And Husteclaber Cardoso is alive and well. He is not a political prisoner or being targetted by a corrupt government or criminal organization. He may very well not take very good care of himself and his sister and friends could have valid concerns for his ability to support himself.

This isn't a case of a hysterical woman making up a story and getting an innocent man deported and killed, and framing it as such is dishonest and does a great disservice to survivors of sexual violence and the small percentage of persons who have had false reports made against them.

So who's gonna vote me in as the next mayor of Toronto?

I'm not gonna lie, yesterday I was downright giddy with the news that mayor Rob Ford had a judgment against him that would remove him from office. And in my household we popped a bottle of bubbly and made a toast to the fact that, "Sometimes the system does work."

Now this morning I'm catching up on the news and reading a lot of handwringing in articles and comments about how this isn't the way it should have gone down. By golly, people are so concerned about democracy and how, if and when Rob Ford was removed from office, it should have been by the will of the people alone.

Where do we draw the line? This guy has flouted the rules at every corner, turned his nose up at a half-dozen opportunities to do the right thing specifically in regards to the conflict-of-interest case that got him booted (nevermind all the other laws he's broken), and he's decided that the laws just don't apply to him. What threshold do we really, honestly need to set in order to decide that someone poses more harm in office than good? And if the people willfully voted for someone they knew were going to break every law in the book, does that mean that they're still immune from any legal penalties?

Now, I'm aware that there are other scandals that have been unable to remove other politicians from office. That really, honestly doesn't matter. If Hazel had killed an albatross with her bare teeth in the middle of a city council meeting and pummelled a GirlScout with its carcass, all without facing any penalties, does that mean we would have to let McGuinty off the hook if he robbed a liquor store while stark naked and armed with a tank?

Say what you will about whether you think that others have done worse, or that even Rob Ford himself has done worse and should have been turfed for another reason, he absolutely broke the conflict-of-interest rules and has shown not a glimmer of self-awareness or remorse. He is so full to the brim with a sense of entitlement that he honestly does not think that he should be punished, even despite flagrantly breaking the rules.

If he had, at any opportunity in the past couple years that this conflict-of-interest case has been stretched out over, taken personal responsibility and acknowledged that he was in the wrong and now he's gonna fix it, I believe 100% that he would not have been removed from office. As it stands, I do not think the judge had a choice.

My only regret in this whole situation is that I've just moved to Mississauga and therefore can't run against him in the by-election. Well, guess I'll have to save up my political favours until 2014 and hope the world doesn't end next month. Fingers crossed!

I'm not wrong. It's just an opinion!

I don't know how this argument started or how anyone could entertain it as a serious justification, but quite often I've heard some form of the following:

I'm saying that if women wouldn't dress so slutty, they wouldn't get raped. I mean, that's just my personal opinion.

Here's the thing about opinions - sometimes they are extremely subjective to the point where there really is no right or wrong. For example:

I think blue is the best colour. I'm of the opinion that it's a much nicer colour than green or red or any other colour. Yuppers. Blue is the best.

Or,

I'm of the opinion that women who wear short skirts aren't attractive. I'm not attracted to them and hold no personal affection for them because I find their choices in clothing distasteful.

Those are personal opinions. They reflect only on the beliefs and values of the person espousing said opinions. We may disagree with the opinion, but there is no objective right or wrong in those types of examples.

Now, some opinions can 100% absolutely be wrong, and no couching it as an opinion rather than stating it as fact will compensate for how ridiculous and wrong it is. Opinions simply cannot be used as a valid substitute for facts. For example:

I'm of the opinion that the moon is a hologram projected by a secret society of super-intelligent cats who are using it to brainwash people into giving them belly rubs and post their pictures all over the internet in order to lure more people into worshipping them.

The original quote is just as inaccurate and incorrect. It does not matter if your opinion is that short skirts cause rape, because this is not supported by any factual evidence. Not least of all because clothing is not consent, because clothes cannot prevent rape, and because rapists are 100% responsible for their actions.

On a more productive note, here are some tangible things that you can do, right now today, to actually help stop sexual violence.

Damsel in de Tech is a year old!

It's my bloggiversary!

It's been one year since I decided I'd had enough of retyping and rehashing my arguments to people who think slut-shaming and victim-blaming are nifty things to do! And golly am I ever glad for that decision. Not only do I have some of my favourite lolcats bookmarked in this blog for easy future reference, but I've also got my major arguments all orderly and labelled and ready to go. I love being organized.

Since there is still so much more to talk about, this shall be just one of many milestones to be celebrated. I've got 3 other posts in the works at the moment that I hope to be able to complete this week, but since this is a project primarily for me and not another reason to stress myself out, they'll get posted when they're posted.

To my faithful followers (I love and adore all 9 of you), and occasional lurkers, I'm going to let you in on some of the behind-the-scenes stuff going on with this blog.

For starters, here are my top 5 posts that have gotten the most hits:

5. Victim-blaming under the guise of "personal responsibility" aka, That's not how cause and effect works

• 513 page views 

4. But, seriously, why can't we just shoot all the rapists?

• 651 page views

3. Rapex and the enduring myth of the rape-prevention tool

• 983 page views

2. "10 Ugly Mistakes Women Make that Ruin Any Chance For a Relationship"

•  1237 page views

1. What can I do, right now today, to help stop sexual violence

•  1394 page views

I reguarly check my stats, and so I knew that the second-highest post was going to be pretty high up on this list. When I first posted it, I didn't expect to get so many hits, but it's the number one article that gets viewed from Google searches. It's disheartening that so many people Google "10 Ugly Mistakes Women Make" and other similar wordings, but it's comforting that sometimes they're treated to my snark instead of some PUA bullshit.

In regards to other issues going on behind the curtain, I'd like to touch briefly on the often-fraught issue of... dun Dun DUN.... comments. My comment moderation policy is very strict. I consider this blog my living room, and will not let just any old asshole come in here and use my platform as their soapbox to make rape jokes or misogynistic remarks or bullhockey anti-feminist meanderings. There are many many many places on the internet where they can do that. I'm not gonna publish them here.

But, I will share with you some of the comments I've left waiting in the queue so we may delight in them together and on my terms, not theirs:

Ye-ah... I'm pretty comfortable with my policy as is. As much as "Dude, whatever" would have added to the conversation about whether Dave Chapelle makes a compelling argument in favour of slut-shaming and victim-blaming, I'm ok with leaving those posters to vent their frustrations elsewhere.

Since I love lists, I'm going to share a couple more. First, here's my list of Top 5 blog posts I hope people will continue to share:

1. What can I do, right now today, to help stop sexual violence
2. What do we lose when we always support survivors who disclose?
3. Victim-blaming under the guise of "personal responsibility" aka, That's not how cause and effect works
4. An All Too Common Case - What We Can Do
5. Just because they're awesome, doesn't mean they can't be awful

And, because this is my party and I'll repost whatever I want to, these are just my general top 5 favourites:

1. But I'm just trying to be helpful!
2. With a little help from my friends
3. Lions, Tigers, and Rapists. Oh, my!
4. Was that a duck?
5. All apologies

Thanks for helping make this first year and awesome one. Let's go forward and onward and have some more fun, shall we? And if there are any issues you'd like to see addressed, please feel free to let me know in the comments.

Now, some more MST3K because I love you all and want you to laugh and have a happy Monday.

The science of YouTubes

Have you ever been discussing super important, serious, and totally no-nonsense issues and been blown away by your opponent's deft grasp of the power of YouTube videos? Have you then sworn that you would never again be caught unarmed and that you would find just the right responses to all those AVFM and GWW videos so that you can repost them at just the right time?

Well, rest easy, dedicated internet warriors. I have done the hard work for you and have here, for your convenience, delight, and edification, a series of versatile videos that are backed up by sciencefacts.

Let's see these bad mamma jammas in action.

What's that? Did someone just say that white men are the most oppressed group in North America?

Ok, how about another easy one? How about if someone asks a question like, "What? Just because I'm white/ male/ cisgender/ straight/ able-bodied/ middle to upper class/ educated, etc, I have privilege?"

Make no mistake, though, these can be useful for so much more!

Did someone just profess their love of bacon under your recipe for vegan tacos?

Hark! Has someone just told you you're a stupid caca doodie head because you vow an undying allegiance to Captain Jean Luc Picard, and extend no such love to Captain Kirk?

You see what just happened there? I single-handedly won the internet for you.

You're welcome.